Birthdays come once a year, and picking out the perfect card is a vital part of celebrating someone’s special day.
But what do you write inside? A plain old “Happy Birthday” just doesn’t cut it sometimes.
If you want to add humor and personality to your birthday message, you’re in the right place!
Funny Things to Write in a Birthday Card
In this ultimate guide, we’ll explore:
- Why funny birthday messages make a big impact
- 20 hilarious ideas for what to write
- Tips for personalizing your message
- How to avoid common birthday card blunders
Get ready to bring some laughter and cheer to your loved one’s birthday with these comical writing tips!
1. “You’re not getting older, you’re just becoming a classic!”
This lighthearted joke is a great way to poke fun at the birthday person’s age without being offensive. It works especially well for milestone birthdays like 40, 50, or beyond.
You could even take it further by comparing them to a fine wine – they only get better with age! Just be careful not to imply that they look “old” or you might end up in the doghouse.
For an added personal touch, consider referencing something classic from the year they were born, like a popular song or fashion trend. This shows you put some thought into the message while still keeping things fun and playful.
2. “Happy birthday! You don’t look a day over [their age minus 10].”
Another silly way to joke about the birthday boy or girl’s age is to underestimate how old they are dramatically. This works for any age, whether they’re turning 25 or 85!
If you want to take the joke even further, pick an obscure, non-round number. For example, “Wow, 37 never looked so good!” The unexpected specificity is sure to catch them off guard and tickle their funny bone.
One pitfall to avoid is going too low with age. Lopping off 1 or 2 years might come across as more of an insult than a joke. Stick with 5-10 years minimum to keep things firmly in the gag territory.
3. “Another year older, none the wiser!”
This playful jab implies that the birthday celebrant hasn’t necessarily gained wisdom with their age. It’s a good-natured tease that works well for someone known for their silly antics or goofy personality.
To make it extra funny, follow it up with a specific example of their “unwise” behavior. Maybe reference that time they thought they could jump their bike over a swimming pool or got their head stuck between two fence posts.
Avoid using this joke for people who take themselves very seriously or might be self-conscious about their intelligence. You want to make them laugh, not secretly resent you!
4. “[X] candles on your cake? We’re gonna need a bigger fire extinguisher!”
This witty line is a funny way to call out the large number of candles on an older person’s birthday cake. It creates a silly mental image of a massive, raging candle fire that requires emergency services to put out.
If you’re not sure about their exact age, you can replace the specific number with “that many” for an equally humorous effect. “That many candles on your cake? The fire department is on standby!”
Be careful not to use this joke for someone who might be sensitive about their age, like a friend’s mom or your boss. Always consider your audience and err on the side of caution if you’re unsure how they’ll take it.
5. “At least you’re not as old as you will be next year!”
This clever quip puts a positive spin on the whole “getting older” thing. It humorously reminds the birthday person that hey, it could always be worse – they could be a year older!
It’s a versatile joke that works for any age, whether they’re 16 or 96. You can also add a silly follow-up line like, “So enjoy your youth while you still can!”
One thing to avoid is using this message for someone who’s going through a tough time or not excited about their birthday. The last thing you want is to accidentally trivialize their struggles or sound insensitive.
6. “Happy birthday! You’re now officially too old for TikTok.”
This topical joke plays off the idea that TikTok is a platform for “the youths.” It’s a snarky way of insinuating that the birthday person has aged out of the target demographic.
Feel free to swap out TikTok for another youth-centric reference like skinny jeans, slang terms, or a popular teen hangout spot. The key is to choose something that’s widely known as being associated with younger generations.
If you’re writing to someone who’s not super up on current trends, you might want to pick a more evergreen reference to avoid the joke falling flat. Classics like boy bands, high school, or teen magazines are a safer bet.
7. “Congrats on making it this far without being turned into a meme!”
In the digital age, getting unwittingly turned into a viral meme is a very real (and often embarrassing) possibility. This cheeky message congratulates the birthday person on successfully evading that fate thus far.
For added color, you can include a funny example of a real or fictional meme they narrowly dodged. “I saw that video of you falling off the stage at karaoke last week – you’re lucky that didn’t end up all over Twitter!”
Unless you know the person well, it’s wise to avoid referencing any sensitive or insulting memes, even hypothetically. Steer clear of anything that could come across as bullying or make them feel bad about themselves.
8. “You’re like a fine wine. Very old and full of alcohol!”
This playful spin on the classic “aging like a fine wine” idiom incorporates a silly reference to the birthday person’s drinking habits. It’s a good choice if you’re looking to gently rib a friend or family member who enjoys imbibing in adult beverages.
If they have a favorite wine, you could even mention it specifically to make the joke more personal. “You’re like a vintage Merlot – very classy and even better with age!”
Of course, you’ll want to avoid alcohol-based jokes for anyone who doesn’t drink or is in recovery. It’s also wise to steer clear if you don’t know the person very well, as it could come across as presumptuous or inappropriate.
9. “It’s your party and you’ll lie about your age if you want to!”
This humorous message gently teases the birthday person about any age-related fibs they may tell. It riffs off the chorus of the popular Leslie Gore song “It’s My Party” for extra cleverness.
If you want to up the silliness factor, you could write out the whole chorus with your modified age lyric. Or add a line about all the things they can do now that they’re “officially” a year older.
One thing to note is that this joke works best for milestone birthdays like 30, 40, or 50 – times when people are more likely to lament the passage of time. It might not land as well for younger folks who are proud of their age.
10. “Happy birthday, you old fossil!”
Calling the birthday person an “old fossil” is a classic gag that never goes out of style. It hyperbolically implies that they are ancient – so old that they’ve turned to stone!
You can amp up the humor by adding a funny caveat or follow-up line. “Happy birthday, you old fossil! Don’t worry, the archaeology department will be by later to dust you off.”
As with any age-based joke, it’s important to consider the recipient’s personality and sense of humor. Some people may find this type of gag hilarious while others might feel genuinely hurt. When in doubt, err on the side of caution.
11. “Don’t think of it as getting older. Think of it as a sweet senior citizen discount at the movie theater!”
This droll message looks on the bright side of aging – no more paying full price for movie tickets! It’s a fun way to celebrate a milestone birthday like 65, when many people officially earn their senior discount card.
To tailor the joke, you can substitute the movie theater for another place the birthday person loves to go, like a favorite restaurant or museum. The key is picking a spot that’s known for giving discounted senior rates.
Be mindful of the fact that not everyone will necessarily appreciate being called a “senior citizen,” even in jest. This gag is best reserved for those with a good sense of humor who don’t take themselves too seriously.
12. “Happy birthday! Here’s to another year of questionable life choices!”
For the self-deprecating birthday celebrant who’s known for their wild antics, this cheeky message is the perfect way to lovingly poke fun at their poor decision-making skills. It’s both a celebration of their special day and a lighthearted reminder of their foibles.
You can further customize this joke by referencing a specific misadventure or slip-up from the past year. “Here’s to another year of locking yourself out of the house and losing your sunglasses on top of your head!”
Unless you know the birthday person really well, it’s best to avoid anything too embarrassing or sensitive. This message is meant to elicit a chuckle, not bring up painful memories or sore spots.
13. “Happy birthday! May all your Facebook friends see this and think we’re besties!”
In the age of social media, it’s easy to wish someone a happy birthday with a few quick keystrokes. This funny message pokes fun at the fact that any old acquaintance can make a big show of celebrating your special day online.
For extra humor points, you can add a line about all the people from high school or old jobs who will come out of the woodwork to post on their wall. Or crack a joke about how this card basically makes you family now.
If the birthday person is a bit of a social media skeptic, you might want to skip this one in favor of a less tech-focused gag. Same goes if you’re not sure how they feel about public birthday wishes in general.
14. “Congrats, you’re now old enough to complain about ‘kids these days!'”
For anyone hitting a major milestone like 40 or 50, this playful message welcomes them to the illustrious ranks of grumpy old curmudgeons. It’s a humorous way to nod to the fact that they’re now “officially” part of an older generation.
To drive home the gag, you could add a list of things they can start shaking their fist at, like loud music, baggy pants, and slang they don’t understand. Or throw in a reference to telling those whippersnappers to get off their lawn.
Just be sure not to go overboard with the cynical old man shtick, especially if the birthday person is a little sensitive about their age. A gentle ribbing is fine but steer clear of anything genuinely mean-spirited.
15. “Happy birthday! I’m so proud of you for not setting the restaurant on fire this time!”
For the birthday person who’s had a few memorable mishaps in their day, this cheeky message references a specific past incident in a silly way. It’s a great choice for someone with a good sense of humor who can laugh at themselves.
Feel free to swap out the restaurant fire for any other hilarious misadventure – the more outlandish and specific, the better. “I’m so proud of you for not accidentally dyeing your hair orange this year!”
Unless you know the birthday celebrant very well, it’s wise to avoid anything too embarrassing or delicate. You want your message to be a playful jest, not a painful reminder of a traumatic experience.
16. “To my dear friend on your birthday – at least one of us is aging gracefully!”
If you’re celebrating a good friend’s birthday, this funny message is a great way to let them know how much you admire their poise and maturity… while humble-bragging about your own youthful glow.
For extra silliness, you could follow it up with a crack about your “baby face” or how people often mistake you for a teenager. Or add a bit about bribing them for their skincare secrets.
Just be sure your friend has a healthy sense of humor and won’t take offense to the joke. If they’re genuinely self-conscious about aging, it’s better to pick a less touchy subject for your gag.
17. “You know you’re old when… Happy birthday!”
This setup lets you fill in a personalized punchline for the birthday person. You can go with a classic “old people” trope like complaining about the thermostat or eating dinner at 4pm.
Or better yet – reference something unique to the birthday celebrant, like their love of vintage records or hatred of the latest slang. The more specific, the funnier the joke will land.
If you can’t think of anything from their personal life to riff on, try to pick something relatable and lighthearted vs. mean or crude. The goal is to elicit a chuckle, not hurt feelings.
18. “Happy birthday! I would have baked you a cake, but you know… fire hazard.”
For the birthday person who’s a bit on the older side, this cheeky message uses a silly excuse to explain the lack of a traditional birthday cake. Safety first, after all!
You could take the joke even further by mentioning other extreme safety precautions, like wrapping them in bubble wrap or making them wear a helmet at all times. The more specific and ridiculous, the better.
Unless the birthday celebrant has an incredibly thick skin and a dark sense of humor, it’s best to avoid anything too morbid or fatalistic. Jokes about death, illness, or the “end of the road” are better left to professional comedians.
19. “You’re not older – you’re retro!”
This fun, pop culture-inspired message is a great way to put a positive spin on the whole aging thing. After all, retro is cool these days! Vinyl, fashion trends, classic video games – everything old is new again.
If you want to get extra personal, reference something nostalgic from their childhood or teenage years. “Happy 40th birthday! You’re not older – you’re a vintage 1982 classic!”
As with any joke that touches on age, be mindful of your audience. If the birthday person is sensitive about the passage of time, it’s probably better to avoid the subject altogether – even if you put a happy-go-lucky twist on it.
20. “You haven’t aged a day since we met… you were already old then!”
If you go way back with the birthday celebrant, this playful jab is a silly way to call out their ageless looks. The implication is that they’ve always seemed “old,” even when you first became friends.
You can customize the message by referencing the specific circumstances of your first meeting. “You haven’t aged a day since we were randomly assigned lab partners in high school… you already had wrinkles then!”
You’ll want to be certain that your friend will find this funny before committing it to paper. If there’s even a small chance they’ll be offended, play it safe with a less risky gag.
Conclusion
Writing a funny birthday card message is all about knowing your audience.
A gag that slays with one person might be a total dud with someone else.
When in doubt, err on the side of caution and keep things light and relatable.
With these 20 ideas as a starting point, you’re well on your way to penning the perfect humorous greeting for anyone on your birthday list.
Just remember to tailor the jokes to the recipient, stay away from sensitive subjects, and always come from a place of love.
Now go forth and get some laughs – and maybe book yourself a spot on the open mic while you’re at it!